32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
