Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
