Nicole vs. Life
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
