Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
