He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
