My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
