tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
