Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
