Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
