whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
