Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
