the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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