please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
