Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
