I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
