how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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