Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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