Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
