It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
this is an emotional support booty call
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
