You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
