dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
