I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
