On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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