I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
