drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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