Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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