Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
