he thought i was a dude.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
