You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
