we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
