I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
