Me too!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
