Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
