Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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