I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
