dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
