We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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