I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
