TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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