I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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