A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
