Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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