she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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