Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
