Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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