I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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