he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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