If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
too bad you live with your parents still
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
