Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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