When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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