I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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