I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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