Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
