The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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