You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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