Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
