mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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