it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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