grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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