sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
