dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
