i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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