After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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