what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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