whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
