your parents love me but you hate me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
