she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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