I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
