the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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