College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
