Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
