Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This can only be settled by a dance off.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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