If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
