you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize