Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
