IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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