Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Congratulations! We have a period
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