I haven't been this sober since birth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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