im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
