Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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