i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
