I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
