He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im holly from the hills drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
