I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize