I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
