in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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