Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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