I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
