we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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